Being Grateful Can Turn Failures into Opportunities

Perhaps it sounds hokey pokey to you. Perhaps you're wondering how being grateful for something changes your perspective. Or how gratitude can have an effect on your recovery. Although practicing gratitude might sound like sitting around the campfire and singing Kumbaya, to those who consciously invoke a grateful state of mind, the effects are obvious.

And the effects of gratitude are obvious right in the moment. It doesn't take long to notice just how much the perspective of your life can change with feeling grateful. For instance, let's say you've just relapsed. You're feeling guilty about what happened. You know you really want to stay sober, but there you were with your long-time friend and having a drink was the perfect thing to do - it wouldn't have been the same if you sat there together without a drink in your hand.

But now that it's over, you regret it. One drink led to another and another and another. Your friend had to drive you home while you left your car at the bar. Then, you weren't able to get up on time the next morning and you were late for work. Because your boss already knows that you have a problem with drugs and alcohol, the fact that you were late and that you were hung over didn't look good. And you've been hoping for a raise so that you can get your daughter into another school that's a bit further away, which means more money for gas and a babysitter on some nights. Now the raise is probably six months out.

All these consequences came as a result of one decision, which seemed to be innocent enough at the moment. But now that it's all said and done, you're feeling guilty about what happened and concerned about how to proceed.

Gratitude can turn what seems like a failure into an opportunity. You might start out by making a list of what you feel grateful for. Feel free to get as specific and detailed as you like. For instance, you might feel grateful for:

·         your daughter

·         your job

·         your car

·         a place to live

·         friends

·         family to provide support

·         a boss that keeps you on your toes

·         regular income that brings food on the table

And as you continue to make this list you might realize just how lucky you are. You might recognize that you wouldn't want to ever jeopardize your daughter's life again. What if you were drinking and instead of going with your friend, you drove home and got into a car accident? What if you weren't there for your daughter? Or perhaps your boss wasn't as understanding and fired you right there and then? No longer having the money that provides for you and your daughter would also be a major problem.

Suddenly, the apparent failure of relapse might begin to look like an opportunity. With gratitude in your heart for your life and for all that you have, you recommit to sobriety in a whole new way. This is an opportunity to start over. This is a chance to experience life with your daughter and never turn to drugs or alcohol again.

What To Do When Your Recovery Group is Not Helping Your Sobriety

There have been times when a person who is recovering from an addiction doesn't get the benefits of a sober community as one would hope. Sadly, there are many reasons for this. On the whole, however, support groups can be meaningful, provide hope, and be a foundation for a strengthening sobriety. Yet, on the rare occasion that this doesn't happen, it's important to get the right help. 

Below is a list of examples of situations in which a recovery group is not healthy. In some situations, these circumstances are manageable. But in others, these circumstances might grow big enough to affect the well being of the group and all its members. 

·         Personalities in a group don't get along well. There may be arguments, bullying, and coercing.

·         One's privacy was not respected even when they were told it would be. In AA, a person's anonymity is the foundation of their community. However, it is impossible to enforce this when any of the members could share the contents of a meeting with non-members. Some things that were said in a meeting might be used against people later.

·         Sometimes, people are court-ordered or mandated to attend recovery groups. These men and women might feel like they are there against their will and express their anger, frustration, or emotional pain.

·         When certain religious beliefs are enforced and members are pressured to abide by such religious beliefs, the group may become divided and then not have the ability to be supportive.

·         Some members of the group who have been around for some time may want to abuse their position as leaders. They may be coercive or may even make sexual advances towards others who are new to the group and vulnerable.

·         Some groups might even distribute and promote inaccurate information about addiction, which may undermine a recovering addict's attempt to stay healthy and sober.

·         Sometimes sponsors in a group may not be supportive or even create trouble when there doesn't need to be.

If you recognize any of these situations (or know of similar circumstances), it's important to leave any group that is either harmful or unhealthy. In addition to this, it's important to keep the following in mind:

·         Don't judge the entire recovering community simply by one experience. There are many other groups that can provide the benefits you're looking for.

·         Because most recovery groups are open to everyone, there might be a chance that a person with negative intentions joins a group. Again, this doesn't mean you should throw out recovery entirely. Choose another sponsor, group, or location, as needed.

·         Some groups might not fit the person. For instance, some men and women are turned off by the religious ideas of the 12-step process. In this case, it might be better to locate a group that is secular and more aligned with your views.

·         When you are concerned about your privacy, it may be important to attend a non-local group and perhaps even use a different name.

There are times when a recovery group doesn't sit well with people. It may be unhealthy, dysfunctional, or simply doesn't match your views of the world. If this is the case, research groups in your neighborhood and surrounding areas before choosing another group to attend. You might also contact a mental health provider in your community who may know of options that suit your preferences.