Being Grateful Can Turn Failures into Opportunities

Perhaps it sounds hokey pokey to you. Perhaps you're wondering how being grateful for something changes your perspective. Or how gratitude can have an effect on your recovery. Although practicing gratitude might sound like sitting around the campfire and singing Kumbaya, to those who consciously invoke a grateful state of mind, the effects are obvious.

And the effects of gratitude are obvious right in the moment. It doesn't take long to notice just how much the perspective of your life can change with feeling grateful. For instance, let's say you've just relapsed. You're feeling guilty about what happened. You know you really want to stay sober, but there you were with your long-time friend and having a drink was the perfect thing to do - it wouldn't have been the same if you sat there together without a drink in your hand.

But now that it's over, you regret it. One drink led to another and another and another. Your friend had to drive you home while you left your car at the bar. Then, you weren't able to get up on time the next morning and you were late for work. Because your boss already knows that you have a problem with drugs and alcohol, the fact that you were late and that you were hung over didn't look good. And you've been hoping for a raise so that you can get your daughter into another school that's a bit further away, which means more money for gas and a babysitter on some nights. Now the raise is probably six months out.

All these consequences came as a result of one decision, which seemed to be innocent enough at the moment. But now that it's all said and done, you're feeling guilty about what happened and concerned about how to proceed.

Gratitude can turn what seems like a failure into an opportunity. You might start out by making a list of what you feel grateful for. Feel free to get as specific and detailed as you like. For instance, you might feel grateful for:

·         your daughter

·         your job

·         your car

·         a place to live

·         friends

·         family to provide support

·         a boss that keeps you on your toes

·         regular income that brings food on the table

And as you continue to make this list you might realize just how lucky you are. You might recognize that you wouldn't want to ever jeopardize your daughter's life again. What if you were drinking and instead of going with your friend, you drove home and got into a car accident? What if you weren't there for your daughter? Or perhaps your boss wasn't as understanding and fired you right there and then? No longer having the money that provides for you and your daughter would also be a major problem.

Suddenly, the apparent failure of relapse might begin to look like an opportunity. With gratitude in your heart for your life and for all that you have, you recommit to sobriety in a whole new way. This is an opportunity to start over. This is a chance to experience life with your daughter and never turn to drugs or alcohol again.

What To Do When Your Recovery Group is Not Helping Your Sobriety

There have been times when a person who is recovering from an addiction doesn't get the benefits of a sober community as one would hope. Sadly, there are many reasons for this. On the whole, however, support groups can be meaningful, provide hope, and be a foundation for a strengthening sobriety. Yet, on the rare occasion that this doesn't happen, it's important to get the right help. 

Below is a list of examples of situations in which a recovery group is not healthy. In some situations, these circumstances are manageable. But in others, these circumstances might grow big enough to affect the well being of the group and all its members. 

·         Personalities in a group don't get along well. There may be arguments, bullying, and coercing.

·         One's privacy was not respected even when they were told it would be. In AA, a person's anonymity is the foundation of their community. However, it is impossible to enforce this when any of the members could share the contents of a meeting with non-members. Some things that were said in a meeting might be used against people later.

·         Sometimes, people are court-ordered or mandated to attend recovery groups. These men and women might feel like they are there against their will and express their anger, frustration, or emotional pain.

·         When certain religious beliefs are enforced and members are pressured to abide by such religious beliefs, the group may become divided and then not have the ability to be supportive.

·         Some members of the group who have been around for some time may want to abuse their position as leaders. They may be coercive or may even make sexual advances towards others who are new to the group and vulnerable.

·         Some groups might even distribute and promote inaccurate information about addiction, which may undermine a recovering addict's attempt to stay healthy and sober.

·         Sometimes sponsors in a group may not be supportive or even create trouble when there doesn't need to be.

If you recognize any of these situations (or know of similar circumstances), it's important to leave any group that is either harmful or unhealthy. In addition to this, it's important to keep the following in mind:

·         Don't judge the entire recovering community simply by one experience. There are many other groups that can provide the benefits you're looking for.

·         Because most recovery groups are open to everyone, there might be a chance that a person with negative intentions joins a group. Again, this doesn't mean you should throw out recovery entirely. Choose another sponsor, group, or location, as needed.

·         Some groups might not fit the person. For instance, some men and women are turned off by the religious ideas of the 12-step process. In this case, it might be better to locate a group that is secular and more aligned with your views.

·         When you are concerned about your privacy, it may be important to attend a non-local group and perhaps even use a different name.

There are times when a recovery group doesn't sit well with people. It may be unhealthy, dysfunctional, or simply doesn't match your views of the world. If this is the case, research groups in your neighborhood and surrounding areas before choosing another group to attend. You might also contact a mental health provider in your community who may know of options that suit your preferences. 

The Importance of Sun, Trees, and Beaches in Recovery

There's something important about hearing the birds sing. No matter where you are and you sit back and hear singing from the trees, something in you changes. For a brief moment, you're paying attention to nature. For at least one second in your day, you're experiencing the world around you in a new way. You're not worried about the bills, the stress of not having money, the pain of a relationship breakup, or the uncomfortable feelings of low self-esteem. For that one brief instant, there aren't any troubles in the world - only the singing of the birds. 

Of course, you can extend this one moment into an afternoon or a whole day. No matter who you are, what your circumstances are, or where you are in the world, spending time in nature always puts things into perspective. For instance, if you notice, nature doesn't worry. It doesn't complain and it doesn't experience low self-esteem. In this way, there is something to be learned by nature. Just by spending a little time in the woods, walking among the trees, or staring at the clouds, we might experience peace. 

Furthermore, there are some physical benefits to be gained by spending time at the beach, in the forests, or on a mountaintop. According to the National Wildlife Federation, there are at least these three benefits to nature time:

• In nature, we get a good dose of Vitamin D, which can help prevent heart disease, diabetes, and problems with our bones.
• Playing in expansive vistas can improve distance vision and prevent nearsightedness.
•  Physical activities,  such as hiking,  can keep the physical body healthy and fit.

In addition to these physical benefits to spending time in nature, there are also some emotional, psychological, and spiritual benefits:

• Studies show that exposure to nature can help reduce ADHD symptoms.
•  Those who attend environmental education programs tend to score higher on standardized testing as well as improves critical thinking skills.
• Stress levels drop almost immediately when a person is face to face with a natural setting.
• Playing in nature (and playing in general) can help boost a person's emotional development.
•  Without time in nature, a person might more easily develop a hurried lifestyle and be prone to stress-related illnesses, depression, and/or anxiety.
• Nature can promote the ability to be kind and compassionate.
• Nature can bring out a sense of caring for the community and wanting to give back to one's neighborhood.

If you're feeling like you need a boost to your recovery, perhaps spending time in the woods, among the trees, on a hilltop, or lounging at the beach could help. Another great advantage of spending time in nature is that it can open up the heart and put us in touch with a deeper part of ourselves. And this too can give greater meaning to recovery.

Guidelines on Letting Your Friends or Family Borrow Money

In the world of addiction and recovery, lending and borrowing money might come up a lot. In fact, it might be what saves a loved one from going homeless or it might be the very resource that a person needs to get addiction treatment. At the same time, money can get in the way of relationships and friendships. Money is such a charged issue that it can be feel like taboo to discuss in some families or social settings. This article is for friends, family members, and loved ones. 

When you are approached by a friend or family member who needs money, you might feel the challenge of making that decision. When a friend or loved one comes to you to borrow money for treatment, paying the rent, or another reason, you might feel the pull to want to help that person out. You love and care about them - of course, you want to assist them. At the same time, you might have concerns. You might wonder whether you're ever going to get the money back. The following provides a guideline to facilitate making that difficult decision. It is an adaptation of an article written by Suze Orman, the famous financial advisor. 

Ask yourself whether the money is really going to help them out. If your loved one is borrowing money because he or she is going to get addiction treatment or needs money to reside at a sober living home, then your loan may be greatly benefitting them. In this case, your money is being used for a step in the right direction. However, if you are lending money because your loved one has always made poor money choices and now cannot afford a large bill, your money might not really make a big impact in your loved one's life. Until your loved one learns to make better choices when it comes to money, then it might not be a good idea to lend them money - unless they are preparing to turn their life around. 

Ask yourself if you can afford to help out. You might want to lend your loved one the money regardless of the circumstances. However, if you cannot afford to, then it's best not to borrow money in order to lend it out. Essentially, you'd be putting yourself at financial risk on behalf of someone else, who may or may not have financial stability. 

Ask yourself if you're willing to let the loan be a gift. If you're willing to say good bye to the money you lend your friend without expectations of getting it back, then that might be a good sign that you're okay with the transaction. Also, because money very easily gets in the way of friendships and relationships, without expecting the money back you take some of the emotional weight off the loan. 

These are some questions for loved ones to consider before lending out money to help out a friend or relative. It's a tough decision to make. Perhaps the above suggestions can ease the process.

How to Stabilize the Ups and Downs of Early Recovery

Early recovery can be a tumultuous experience. There may be many emotions that come up with changing one’s life in such a big way. Yet, it’s not only this life change that can create anxiety, fear and worry, but detox can also trigger uncomfortable feelings. The experience of detoxing your body from the substance you were dependent upon can bring up all sorts of challenging emotions and thoughts. Because of all of this, early recovery can feel like a roller coaster. This article will provide suggestions to ease the experience of early recovery and stabilize your emotions. 

Find a relaxation technique that works for you. Relaxing the body and the mind can be a significant support for being able to cope with feelings and thoughts as they arise. Although certain feelings and thoughts may still come up in early recovery (because of the significant changes you’re going through), you’ll be better equipped internally to handle those feelings and thoughts. Without relaxation, most people will continue to react to life in the same old ways, such as with anxiety and fear. The conditioned ways of reacting to life leads to making the same old choices. However, when the body and the mind are relaxed, we have more of an opportunity to respond with greater ease. Ways to relax include regular practices of deep breathing, yoga, meditation, and/or long walks. 

Talk to your doctor about medication. If you’re utilizing the suggestion above and you’re still having trouble with emotional tumultuousness, you’re doctor may be able to prescribe a medication that can ease your experience. It’s common for doctors or psychiatrists to prescribe anti-anxiety or anti-depression medication for those who are in their early recovery. In fact, there are some medications that are specifically prescribed for the detox period. However, be sure to ask questions about the medication you’re prescribed. Depending upon your needs, some of the side effects may not work well for you. 

Continue to build your support network. If you’re using relaxation techniques, along with possibly taking medication, another step you can take is building a network of people who can support you. Having friends and others you trust to talk to can also ease your experience. When you know that you’re not alone and that you have friends and family to rely on, you’re not as tempted to react to the challenges you may experience. 

Talk to a therapist. Lastly, if you’re still having trouble, get professional support. Contact a therapist, drug counselor, or psychologist and schedule an appointment. Having a professional hear your experiences and provide their expertise might give you the support you need. In fact, you might also contact your sponsor, doctor, and or a support group for help. An example of a support group might be attending a 12-step meeting or another group for those in early recovery.  

These are a few suggestions for making early recovery less of a roller coaster ride. However, if you or someone you know is struggling with their recovery and is in danger of relapse, contact a mental health provider.